It was my own fault for browsing Reddit

[xp_catseye]

I would like to report the scientific inaccuracy of a 24-year-old children's novel.

That is not what it looks like.




Addendum: Nor is this.




Illustrators, I am available to provide reference for a modest fee.

Comments

[xp_catseye]

What a strange question.

Of course I would be interested in acquiring vast quantities of (unnamed) meat.

Where do I sign?

[xp_hawkeye]

It's not unnamed meat. It's cow. Beef. Lots of it. Possibly a pig. Which is what got me thinking about bacon. And no need to sign. Just spot me at some point in the future when I need food. Also, now that your claws aren't a danger to the monitoring system, you wanna start training on the stuff to keep an eye on the portal? We can always use more help with shifts.

[xp_catseye]

Unnamed not in the sense of unidentified, but unnamed in the sense of "not called Bessie or Wilbur". I promised Kyle and Alani I would avoid named animals. It is one of the terms of my probation.

Hm. Yes, that might be worth my time. I'm curious about how those anomalies you mentioned manifest.

Besides, one day I will touch the Wormhole.

[xp_hawkeye]

Gotcha.

Awesome. I'm either gonna be on portal duty or doing paperwork in my office tomorrow, so swing by whenever. We just finished the reno, so all the tech's brand new and shiny.

No touching the wormhole. We've managed to go two weeks without an incident. It's not a record, but we're also counting the vending machine as an incident-causing thing, so. Also, Namor keeps a clipboard of all the stuff that comes out of the vending machine. Just... keep him informed. You can email him, if you two are still sniping at one another.

[xp_catseye]

I shall see if I can clear a space in my busy schedule.


Namor? Who is this Namor? I do not know him.

[xp_wildchild]

OH like that reminds me

the vending machine gave the screaming candy again

[xp_catseye]

There is screaming food?

I want the screaming food.

[xp_wildchild]

So the vending machine down in the chapel is ... multiversal. Sometimes it gives - most of the time it gives out weird stuff.

one sec I'll text Doug a pic of the label b/c I can't read it, IDK what language this is, so he can give an ingredient breakdown - they should be you-safe, they're me-safe, but lets make sure before you throw up a screaming candy.

[xp_cypher]

Well, I got no clue as to what kind of language it is, but yeah, the label says 'fully organic'.

Fuckin' A, now I want some screaming candy, bro.

[xp_catseye]

I could vomit screaming food???

Don't bother checking the label. I want this experience more than I have wanted anything in my life.

[xp_wildchild]

I mean I think they might be okay but if you wanna barf up a screaming sweet mincemeat critter you do you

[xp_catseye]

I have an opportunity to vomit screaming food for reasons not attributable to a rat that was merely stunned. Absolutely I am going to take it.