It was my own fault for browsing Reddit

[xp_catseye]

I would like to report the scientific inaccuracy of a 24-year-old children's novel.

That is not what it looks like.




Addendum: Nor is this.




Illustrators, I am available to provide reference for a modest fee.

Comments

[xp_hawkeye]

I dunno, you kinda looked like the second one up from the bottom on the top one, only your hands were most definitely human and that was unnerving. Which reminds me, somebody told me about that thing where you can buy a cow or whatever (half a cow?) and they deliver the meat all ready to be frozen so you're stocked up for like, a whole season or three. You want in on that? I figured I'd ask Kyle, too. I don't do a whole lot of cooking, but I'll eat baked bacon with my fingers for days and not care about anybody judging me. Might have to get more than one, though. Cow, I mean. Can't remember who did the organizing last time.

[xp_catseye]

What a strange question.

Of course I would be interested in acquiring vast quantities of (unnamed) meat.

Where do I sign?

[xp_hawkeye]

It's not unnamed meat. It's cow. Beef. Lots of it. Possibly a pig. Which is what got me thinking about bacon. And no need to sign. Just spot me at some point in the future when I need food. Also, now that your claws aren't a danger to the monitoring system, you wanna start training on the stuff to keep an eye on the portal? We can always use more help with shifts.

[xp_catseye]

Unnamed not in the sense of unidentified, but unnamed in the sense of "not called Bessie or Wilbur". I promised Kyle and Alani I would avoid named animals. It is one of the terms of my probation.

Hm. Yes, that might be worth my time. I'm curious about how those anomalies you mentioned manifest.

Besides, one day I will touch the Wormhole.

[xp_hawkeye]

Gotcha.

Awesome. I'm either gonna be on portal duty or doing paperwork in my office tomorrow, so swing by whenever. We just finished the reno, so all the tech's brand new and shiny.

No touching the wormhole. We've managed to go two weeks without an incident. It's not a record, but we're also counting the vending machine as an incident-causing thing, so. Also, Namor keeps a clipboard of all the stuff that comes out of the vending machine. Just... keep him informed. You can email him, if you two are still sniping at one another.

[xp_catseye]

I shall see if I can clear a space in my busy schedule.


Namor? Who is this Namor? I do not know him.

[xp_wildchild]

OH like that reminds me

the vending machine gave the screaming candy again

[xp_catseye]

There is screaming food?

I want the screaming food.

[xp_liono]

mmmm.... can we go hunting for moose?

[xp_darcy]

I believe Garrison would dislike that.

[xp_liono]

but it's delicious

[xp_catseye]

I, too, would like to eat the moose.

[xp_liono]

but not Garrison's moose.

[xp_wildchild]

DO EITHER OF YOU know how mcfuckin huge moose are? You know what predates mooses? ORCAS.

not human sized people

they're bigger than horses, we're not hunting moose.

jesus fuck both of you make sure your schedule is clear tomorrow we'll go get a deer. that's appropriately huge

[xp_catseye]

Canadad has a moose?

Does the wolf know?

[xp_dominion]

Technically, it would be Molly's moose, if you can give an undomesticated animal as a pet. Which you can't.

Daisy lives mostly in the national park the mansion grounds end at. She comes by occasionally, especially during the winter, for a free meal. Regardless, she is tagged by the US NPS, so she is 100% illegal to hunt in any circumstance.

If you want to hunt moose, you'll need to make more of a trip of it than to the mansion grounds.

[xp_darcy]

It's also illegal to hunt them here. Sorry bro.

[xp_wildchild]

No

[xp_liono]

😢😢😢

[xp_hawkeye]

Absolutely not. Do you know how big moose get? They're taller than Kyle. Their antlers are deadly. I saw a guy with better reflexes than mine nearly get gored once up in Barrow. Also, there's one that lives here called Daisy. She predates me. Also, their legs are so long people don't die from hitting those, they die from the moose's body smashing through the windshield.

No moose hunting.

[xp_liono]

I know? I've been moose hunting before.

moose is delicious

[xp_wildchild]

I always want cow. Always. I will always do a steak sharing scheme with anyone who

okay no this is just getting badly phrased all over. just send me steaks, Clinto.

[xp_hawkeye]

Cool cool. I'll share some of my bacon and other stuff from the pig, too.

I'll let you have the part that makes filet mignon if you grill me a rare filet mignon at some point in the next three months.

[xp_cypher]

Bro. I want some of that action. Medium rare for mine, though.

[xp_darcy]

I don't want any of the pig but I do want beef bacon.